


Supersoldiers are from Brooklyn, Zombies are from Hell (New Jersey)

by ms_bnda



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Zombie Apocalypse, Blood and Gore, Jealous!Steve, M/M, Mutual Pining, The Avengers Are Good Bros, Violence, but also annoying, i'm bad at horror apparently, not actually scary sorry, zombie typical grossness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-29
Updated: 2017-10-30
Packaged: 2019-01-26 00:28:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12544716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ms_bnda/pseuds/ms_bnda
Summary: Sometimes all you need is a good ol' Zombie Apocalypse to fix your broken not-quite relationship. Steve and Bucky's guide to relationships in a Zombie Apocalyptic world.Featuring: Idiots pining, unnecessary jealousy, and group com conversations that revolve around whether Steve and Bucky have had end-of-the-world sex or not.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [cpt_winniethepooh](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cpt_winniethepooh/gifts).



> Inspired by Married with Zombies by Jesse Petersen
> 
> A million thanks to @sapphirae_escapist who prompted this in the Stucky Scary Bang, thanks so much for the idea and for introducing me to Married With Zombies. This was so much fun!

**1\. Remember: your issues with your partner may seem like the end of the world, but it could always be worse.**

After a year of tense silences and acting normal in front of the other Avengers, “Not that they believe it, there’s two super spies, a former counselor, and Tony and Scott, who are just _nosy_ , not to mention they all gossip” Bucky would grumble. Bucky and Steve finally decided to go to couple’s counseling.

Which was awkward. They weren’t even a couple. They weren’t not a couple either. What did you call someone who you used to be with 70 years ago in secret but had no idea what you were to each other now that brainwashing and torture and aliens and _seventy fucking years apart_ had happened?

Yeah, they didn’t know what to call that either. Hence, the awkwardness. 

It wasn’t that they didn’t get along, for the most part they did. They were definitely friends. But Bucky couldn’t shake the feeling that every time Steve looked at him he was looking for short hair and a cocksure smirk that felt unnatural to him now. Steve couldn’t help feeling hurt that Bucky still left for a week every month to visit T’Challa. They had different hobbies and different schedules and for the most part went on missions separately as Steve was now once again a co-leader of the Avengers while Bucky did freelance work, mostly with Natasha or Clint but outside of the Avengers’ jurisdiction. 

They were both _trying_ to find some common ground, a way to open up and share their lives with each other. They just hadn’t been very successful. So here they were on another Wednesday afternoon, arguing about therapy.

“Bucky,” Steve sighed as he pinched the bridge of his nose. “The appointment is in 15 minutes. We were supposed to go together.”

“I know, but the debrief ran long. Homeland was already short staffed due to the holiday. Everyone who was there was busy with some kind of lab explosion or attack or something in Jersey. I’m lucky I even was allowed out of there, Danvers tried to force me to stay.” 

Steve doubted that because he had seen Carol and Bucky flirt on multiple occasions, she was nicer to Bucky than she was to anyone else. Plus, nobody could force Bucky to do anything he didn’t want to do, not even Captain Marvel. 

“Look, I’m almost back in Brooklyn, driving as fast as this jackoff in front of me will let me. Just head to Dr. Aponte’s office and I’ll meet you there. I’ll definitely be there in 15 minutes.”

“Okay, fine,” Steve ground out, punching the button to end the call and grabbing his helmet. A ride on his bike would help calm him down.

About 17 minutes later Bucky ran into the 4th floor waiting room for Dr. Aponte and her partner’s practice. 

“Sorry, there was some weird Halloween festival or something happening down the street.”

Steve bit back his reply and stood up to knock on Dr. Aponte’s door.

“Steven, James,” Bucky cringed and Steve held back a smile, “Good of you to both finally show up.” Her condescending tone matched her annoyed expression and Steve’s urge to smile vanished. They had talked about finding a new therapist since they both hated Dr. Aponte, but they had been so busy lately they hadn’t even started looking. 

“What’s up, Doc?” Bucky drawled as usual and Aponte’s expression darkened further. 

“Well have a seat,” she instructed, ignoring Bucky’s comment completely and waving a gnarled hand at the sofa in front of her.

They sat as far apart as the sofa would allow, which wasn’t that far considering how big they both were. Bucky’s thighs alone seemed to take up about half of the couch. Not that Steve thought about Bucky’s thighs. They were working on being friends, lusting after his ex would be completely inappropriate.

“So, how are you both today?”

“Annoyed,” Steve answered promptly, stifling down the ‘inappropriately turned on’ that threatened to come out. 

Bucky snorted next to him and ran a hand through his hair. Steve noticed it was his left hand. If he were to reach out and pluck the glove off of it, his sleek new hand would be visible. All metallic and dark, high tech and bulging to mirror the muscles of Bucky’s right arm. All Wakandan made, Steve thought bitterly.

“Steve’s always annoyed,” Bucky commented.

“Steve’s right in the room,” Steve snapped back, glaring at Bucky before turning to the hunched, old therapist, “He just made a statement about my feelings – isn’t he not supposed to do that?”

“That’s correct,” Dr. Aponte answered picking up a cup of tea and started to drink when a loud banging sounded at the door. 

They all looked at each other in surprise, there should have been no other patients waiting for an appointment as Steve paid more for Dr. Aponte to stay an hour later to avoid the public. Brooklyn was a pretty laid-back place and for the most part people didn’t really care when they saw Captain America at the farmer’s market, but a little extra privacy never hurt.

“Huh, it may be an emergency with another patient,” Dr. Aponte said, quickly standing and hobbling over to the door.  
She opened the door just a crack to stop whoever it was from seeing Steve and Bucky on the couch, which was actually a nice gesture. Steve shot Bucky a look which Bucky returned with a raised eyebrow, also surprised at their grouchy counselor’s tact.

“Oh, Gary!” Steve recognized the name as the other therapist in the practice, Gary Gonzalez. “I’m actually in a session right now if you wouldn’t mind-”

But Dr. Aponte didn’t finish her sentence as Gary pushed open the door and tackled Dr. Aponte to the ground. Steve and Bucky sprang up in alarm, years of training now instinctual. Bucky made eye contact with Gary, noting the strange red tint that clouded everything but the dilated pupils. Holding his gaze Gary opened his crooked jaw, heedless of the black inky looking substance that was dripping down his chin, and bit a chunk of flesh out of Dr. Aponte’s shoulder.

**2\. Just because your relationship status is complicated, uniting to fight zombies doesn’t have to be.**

Typically enhanced reflexes and years of training in emergency situations would kick in, but nothing about this situation was typical so it’s possible that the supersoldiers froze.  
Dr. Aponte screamed in agony as her partner bit her again, this time in the arm closest to him. Gary finally broke eye contact with a weird shuddering movement as he focused on eating his coworker.

It took an extra 30 seconds- and two bites- for Steve and Bucky to jump into action. Time Dr. Aponte didn’t really have as the last bite Gary got in before Bucky took his metal fist to the top of his head was straight to the jugular. 

A few things happened very quickly. An almost movie-like spurt of blood sprayed from Dr. Aponte’s throat as her screams stopped eerily, Steve dropped to his knees next to her, hands going to the wound, and Gary slumped over both Dr. Aponte as Bucky’s metal fist slammed straight through his skull, brains and more black sludge gushing out over Steve’s lap and the open wounds of the therapist’s chest.

“Buck!” Steve gasped in shock.

“I didn’t do it on purpose! It should have just knocked him out! His skull was weirdly soft already!” Bucky rushed out, ripping his brain covered glove off and throwing it across the room. “Jesus, Steve, get up! She’s dead already. Gary ripped out half her throat.”

“Ughh,” Steve groaned, not getting up but sitting back on his heels away from the bodies. “Why can’t you just take responsibility for your actions? You killed him, Buck. Which is fine because he was obviously a danger to society and that’s our job-”

“Your job,” Bucky interjected.

“-but you could’ve tackled him, held him down or something.”

Bucky faced Steve, expression thunderous. “I told you, I didn’t apply lethal force. I know what lethal force is! And don’t fucking talk to me about taking responsibility for my actions, Steve. I know all about that, thanks,” he ground out.

Well fuck, Steve didn’t mean it like _that_. He always said the wrong thing.

“I know, I know, sorry. I didn’t mean it,” Steve said, rising from his knees and holding his hands up in what he hoped was a peaceful gesture. “Maybe the arm is just malfunctioning. We don’t know much about the people that T’Challa had build it, who’s to say it’s reliable?”

Steve expected the angry look on Bucky’s face to clear, not to turn livid.

“Me! I say it’s reliable, you jackass! I was there for pretty much the entire building process. Different prototypes and trials and errors, it took months! And T’Challa didn’t just _have people_ build it, he built it! Him and Shuri, who you would _know_ if you ever went to Wakanda when I invite you!”

In hindsight, the yelling was probably a bad idea as it not only covered up the sound of Dr. Aponte pushing Gary off of her and staggering to her feet but also the sounds of two erratic treads leaving Gary’s office and approaching the doorway to Dr. Aponte’s office.

“What the fuck?” Steve gasped out, tone causing Bucky to turn around and look at the three figures, oozing black and blocking their exit.

“Well, shit. Happy Halloween,” Bucky said, voice exhausted all of a sudden. Then he pulled three knives out of somewhere around his chest, handed two to Steve, and advanced towards the snapping mouths of Dr. Aponte and what looked to be Poor Gary’s patients. “Don’t let them bite you.”

**3\. Pick your battles, sometimes arguing with your partner about transportation is less important than focusing on your surroundings.**

Bucky and Steve ran into the parking garage panting and covered in black ooze. After taking out Dr. Aponte and what was probably a very nice couple before they turned cannibalistic, they came across a feral janitor and a rabid teenage boy in the elevator. 

“Keys,” Bucky commanded holding out his hand.

Steve fished in his pockets and pulled out his keys, dropping them into Bucky’s palm before attempting to wipe his fingers off on a clean patch of the jeans he was wearing.  
“You brought the Harley? Why the fuck would you do that?”

“I was in a bad mood. Plus I didn’t exactly anticipate being attacked in couples therapy,” Steve defended himself, choosing to Bucky’s grumbling that sounded suspiciously like “self control of a saint” to focus on scanning the immediate are for any threats.

Bucky tossed Steve’s keys back to him and led him further into the parking garage towards a black, nondescript SUV. They passed by an ominous looking puddle of blood and flesh pieces but made it to the car unaccosted. A second after Bucky pressed the unlock button on the key fob and the car beeped to signal that they could enter several menacing grunts and growls sounded from nearby. Steve jumped into the passenger seat and slammed his door shut in sync with Bucky, and not a moment too soon as about five people immediately ran at the SUV, teeth gnashing.

“Seriously, what the hell is going on?” Steve cried, locking the doors and reaching under his seat for a sleek handgun. 

Bucky reached under his seat and pulled out a matching gun- the knives had proved useful and he was proficient in most weapons- thank you Hydra, he thought bitterly- but guns were always his weapon of choice.

“No idea. Call the compound and report it, see if we can get back up. Maybe a tranq grenade so we can take these ones alive and see what twisted mutation you guys are working with his week, boss,” and maybe Bucky’s instructions had ended on a slightly sarcastic note, but it seemed reasonable so Steve pulled out his Stark Phone and dialed the main compound line.

“Good afternoon Captain Rogers,” Friday’s pleasant tone filled the car, such a contrast to the sounds Steve assumed the rabid group was making as they threw themselves against the bullet-proof, sound-proof car that he almost had the urge to laugh. 

“Hey Friday, can you get Tony on the line please?”

“Mr. Stark is currently in Yonkers fighting a horde of Zombies. Would you like me to connect you to his in-suit communication device?”

“Yes,” Steve and Bucky answered in unison, staring wide-eyed at each other over the cup holders between them.

“One second please,” Friday replied in the same jovial tone and then the car was filled with musical stylings of Miley Cyrus.

“Did she say zombies? Please tell me she didn’t say zombies,” Bucky pleaded, eyeing the middle aged man in suit and tie that was trying to bash his head into the windshield in an attempt to get in the car.

“She totally said zombies,” the answer came, from Tony instead of Steve, which was probably the last thing Bucky wanted to hear. And he had just been subjected to Miley Cyrus.

“What’s going on Tony?” Steve questioned, in his take-charge voice that sent a very un-zombie related shiver down Bucky’s spine.

_  
_

“Zombies, Cap. Zombies are going on. Couple of hours ago an AIM lab in Jersey blew up and the few fuckers that survived were apparently zombified. We already have a giant bubble around Jersey, thanks to the Lion King and his sexy Wakandan tech,” Steve _may_ have rolled his eyes, “but now it’s spread to New York. We’re trying to contain and kill as many as possible to buy T’Challa some time to get another force field, but we’re not sure how far it’s spread,” there were some grunts and bangs in the background as Tony spoke, “these fuckers are fast.”

“Well we’re at our therapist’s office in Brooklyn and surrounded by them at the moment, so it’s definitely getting around,” Bucky answered, finally turning on the car and switching gears.

“Therapist? Sam was right about the couple’s counseling then? Fuck, I owe him a boat now.” Tony’s voice cut out a bit at the end and then came back, “Look Watson and Holmes, I’m busy fucking up zombies right now, get your asses to the compound and suit up. Don’t get bitten, and don’t let Bruce watch the news, the last thing we need is a Zombie Hulk.”

And with that last, horrifying image implanted in their heads Tony hung up.

They sat in silence for a couple of minutes before Bucky exhaled sharply and reversed straight into about 3 of the 5 zombies that were still adamantly attempting to break the windows of the SUV. 

“Well fuck,” Steve sighed, rolling down his window a couple of inches to shoot the other two zombies clear through the head, “I knew there was a reason I hated Jersey.”

Bucky looked at Steve incredulously for a second before throwing his head back and laughing a joyful, full bodied laugh that caused a ball of hope to inflate Steve’s chest.

“You’re an idiot,” Bucky finally said, flashing Steve a small, sweet smile as he pulled out of the garage and into the chaotic streets of Brooklyn.


	2. Chapter 2

**4\. Don’t be afraid to build friendships outside of the relationships, having individual lives is healthy. But also don’t be afraid to kill those friends if they try to eat you.**

 

The good mood lasted for a few minutes, Steve and Bucky both shooting out of their respective windows until Steve spotted a middle aged man running down the street, a couple of Zombies about 20 feet behind him and closing in. Steve quickly took out the zombies with clean headshots before yelling at Bucky to stop the car.

Bucky, who had been driving about 60 mph, dodging and ramming into abandoned cars- not that there were many, one of the perks of the hipster, ecofriendly, ride-sharing generation – immediately obeyed, screeching to a stop and pulling a tommy gun out of thin air.

“What’s up?” he questioned, deep in battle mode.

“There’s a civilian. Aren’t we supposed to be clearing and helping?” It was obviously rhetorical though, as Steve was already unbuckling his seatbelt and moving to open his door.

“What? _No._ ” Bucky’s hand shot out and grabbed Steve’s shoulder, stopping him just before he opened his door, the man had stopped running when he heard the gunshots and was now half-hiding behind an upturned trashcan. “Stark said to get to the compound and suit up, not to bring guests.”

“Tony also said that we’re still waiting for T’Challa to come with his magical force field, what are we supposed to do before that? Let all of Brooklyn become zombies?” Steve pulled free from Bucky’s grip and moved to leave the car again. “I’m gonna stay here and try to help as many people as I can.”

Bucky’s jaw set in that stubborn way it always did and Steve already knew he wasn’t going to like what he heard before Bucky even opened his mouth. “I’m getting on Interstate 278 and heading upstate. And I’m not letting anyone else in this car. You can stay in fucking Brooklyn if you want Steve, but I’m sticking with the plan.”

It felt like a punch to the gut, but Steve had already expected this the moment he decided to help the man on the street. He tried not to let his sadness show as he turned towards Bucky but opened the door behind him. “Good luck, then.” He said, cupping Bucky’s cheek for a second before grabbing stuffing more ammo into his pockets and exiting the car with handguns loaded. 

He thought his enhanced hearing picked up Bucky calling him a “beautiful fucking punk” as he started to jog towards the man in the trash, but that was probably wishful thinking since the SUV _was_ soundproof.

“Hey,” Steve called out, stopping a few feet away from the man, “are you okay?”

“Thank God!” the man called out, jumping up and moving to hug Steve. He managed to take a step closer before a gun shot rang out and stopped him in his tracks. 

“Back the fuck up!” Bucky yelled, voice clearly furious, from the car about 20 yards away. Tommy guy pointed out of the window threateningly.

“Jesus Christ!” the man yelped, staggering back and falling on his ass as he tripped over the aluminum can he had been all but crawling into a minute ago. “Sorry man!” He directed at Bucky, hands flying up in surrender. 

“It’s alright,” Steve said gently, trying to calm the man down, “that’s just my backup, he’s a bit protective.”

Maybe now wasn’t the time for joking.

“Are you okay?” Steve asked again, eyeing the man warily as he moved to stand up.

“I don’t even know. I came to New York to visit my girlfriend only to find out she’s been seeing some other lady behind my back and then I got in a cab to go to the airport so I could spend the entire plane ride back to Fresno crying, only my cabbie tried to fucking _eat_ me. What the hell?” 

All of this was said without any pause for breath and the man threw up his hands in exasperation. He clearly was waiting to vent to someone. Steve felt both bad for this guy and deeply amused, he reminded Steve of Scott Lang.

“Sounds like you’ve had a bad day,” Steve allowed, holding out his hand to the guy, “I’m Steve.”

Four shots rang out loudly and for a split second Steve thought that Bucky had made good on his threat and shot the man. Then he looked to his left and saw four zombies fall down the stairs of the brownstone closest to them, each oozing rotten, black blood from their temples.

The man stared at the SUV and Bucky for about 15 seconds before turning back to Steve and clasping his hand. 

“I’m Jake.” 

Steve grinned and shook Jake’s hand for a bit before turning serious again, “You haven’t been bitten, right?”

Steve probably should have read more into the way that Jake flinched but he took it as an involuntary reaction to the idea of being bitten. 

“Nuh-uh,” Jake answered with a shake of his head. “Probably thanks to you guys.”

“Okay, come with me,” Steve started towards the car, “Let’s see if I can talk Bucky into picking up a hitchhiker.”

Steve got as far as the open window before he heard the car locks reinforce and the window was closed. Bucky appeared out of the roof of the car – Steve hadn’t seen a sunroof, but these superspy cars had so many tricks that he wasn’t really surprised – this time with a short M4 riffle in his hands.

“What are you doing Steve?”

“This is Jake,” Steve explained, gesturing behind him where Jake waved awkwardly as he hid his face behind his other hand, “And he’s coming with us.”

“Nope, think again Stevie,” Bucky said, leveling the rifle to aim at the stranger. “That’s a lot of blood you have on your hand Jake,” he continued in a more conversational tone.

Steve looked at Jake over his shoulder, taking in the blood on his hands. It was dark, but not black. It must have looked dark since there was so much of it. Steve rolled his eyes and looked at Bucky again. 

“He scraped his hands when he fell and caught himself, Buck!” 

“I don’t think so. I think your pal Jake has been bitten. What do you think, Jake?” Bucky called out.

Jake mumbled something into his hands, body shaking in fear and Steve had enough of Bucky taunting the poor man.

“Stop being mean and let us in Bucky, he’s fine!” He snapped, hand reaching up to grasp Jake’s forearm to lead him closer to the car. Only, when he moved Jake’s hands away from his face he was greeted with red eyes, and smeared-black lips.

“Sorry Cap,” Jake growled out, and bit Steve in the back of the hand a split second before Bucky’s bullet pierced his skull.

**5\. Let your partner know how much you love them every day. Don’t wait until it’s too late and you’re turning into a zombie in the back of a car.**

 

“What the _fuck_ did you do Steve???” Bucky cried out, pulling him into the back seat of the SUV and shutting the door behind him. He continued to curse under his breath as he pulled a med kit out of the trunk of the car and over the back seat, into his lap. 

He rummaged through bandages, needles, and medicines until he finally pulled out a vial and syringe. He injected Steve with whatever the vial contained before pouring about a quart of povidone-iodine on the bite would.

Steve stared at the back of his hand, at the quarter sized gash, mind completely blank. Was it from whatever Bucky injected him with or was he in shock? He didn’t even have the ability to ponder that, mind quickly clearing again. Distantly he registered Bucky pulling out two phones. Calling for help maybe? He sat there for probably a few minutes before he heard a wrecked sounding “please” that cut through the fog in his mind and brought him back to the present, where Bucky was pleading with Tony on the phone apparently.

“All we know is that it takes between 5-15 minutes before the change occurs. None of the infected have lasted longer than 14 minutes and 26 seconds. This data was updated not even a minute ago,” Tony’s voice sounded weird to Steve and it took a while for him to register it was because Tony was 100% serious. Bucky must have told him that Steve was infected.

“How long has it been?” another voice asked from the second phone. Steve didn’t have the energy to have any kind of negative feelings towards T’Challa right now, he was took broken up by the look of utter anguish that had taken up Bucky’s face. How was it possible that he was still the most stunning thing Steve had ever seen when he looked like he was about to fall apart at the seams?

“Seven or eight minutes? No more than nine,” Bucky answered, voice surprisingly calm, a bizarre contrast to the way he looked.

“I am sorry,” T’Challa answered, while Tony cussed angrily on the other phone, “You can try the tranquilizer we made for you here, if you have one. But we are not sure if it will stave off the effects or if he would just awaken after the change is complete. And while we are working to find a cure, we don’t anticipate it to come any time in the next few hours.”

“Okay, thanks guys,” Bucky replied before hanging up both phones without a goodbye.

Steve _maybe_ felt a bit smug that Bucky didn’t say bye to T’Challa. But mostly he was sad and wanted to wipe that horrible look off of Bucky’s face.

“You gonna finally get rid of me, Buck?” he teased, trying to lighten the mood.

Bucky’s mouth twisted into a grimace before he closed the distance between them and smashed his mouth into Steve’s. It was a harsh, desperate kiss, nothing like Steve imaged their first kiss in 80 years to be like, but it was perfect.

“Nah,” Bucky drawled, as they broke apart for air a few minutes later, lips moving against Steve’s cheek as he angled his head down, “you’re the love of my life, punk. And it seems like that serum was better for more than giving you an effortless six pack.”

His metal hand grazed Steve’s and Steve jolted back, shocked by the lack of pain. He looked down at his hand, eyes wide as he took in the bite mark that was knitting together before his eyes, now looking like a deep knife slash instead of the open wound it was originally.

“Oh my god,” Steve whispered, looking back at Bucky slowly. Bucky’s face was now fantastically happy, and he looked radiant despite the blood and gore still covering most of his face and matting his hair. 

“I hate you,” Bucky laughed, pulling Steve in for a hug, “I can’t believe you didn’t believe me about fucking _Jake_.”

“You always argue with me! I thought you were acting out of habit,” Steve’s protests were half-hearted. He was pretty embarrassed that he hadn’t listened to Bucky. 

“Anyway, I told you so’s can wait for later. We should probably call Tony and T’Challa and let them know about the serum.”

“Fine,” Bucky conceded watching Steve climb into the driver’s seat, before jumping into the passenger’s and picking up his phones, “But I’m totally telling your whole team about it.”

And he dialed his phones one-handed, the fingers of his T’Challa-made arm linking with Steve’s as they headed towards the I-278.

**6\. Find creative ways to have fun together, zombie-slaying is really underrated.**

 

A bullet whizzed past Steve’s head and exploded the zombie next to him, thick black blood spraying the side of his Cap helmet as he turned just in time.

“You little jerk!” he yelled, turning in the direction of where the bullet came from and flipping off the cluster of windows where he couldn’t see Bucky but knew he was there, “Fuck you, Barnes.”

“In your dreams, Rogers,” Bucky shot back, predictably as Steve drove a knife into the head of another zombie that rushed towards him.

It was November 7th, 2020 and they were with the rest of Steve’s team and various other former-SHIELD employees, clearing out the last of the zombies in New Jersey. The zombies that had minor bites had been injected with a chemically engineered mix of Steve’s serum and antibiotics, enough serum to heal the zombie infection without having to worry about millions of supersoldiers out there. The zombies that had fatal wounds, like missing limbs or lethal bites would only bleed out and die painfully when injected with the knock-off serum, so the Avengers (“ _and friends_ ” Bucky would interject, “and _boyfriends_ ” Sam would shoot back, just to embarrass them) were sent in to eliminate those that had no chance of recovery.

An amused snort sounded through the com before Natasha’s voice came through “ _Sure_ Barnes,” Steve could tell she was smiling, and automatically smiled in response, throwing his shield into the cranium of an elderly-looking zombie regretfully, “that’s not what you said last night.”

Bucky spluttered enough to be heard through the com and Steve felt his face flush, glad he was both wearing his mask and clearing out this block alone.

“Yeah, Barnes. We all heard yelling coming from your room. These Jersey hotels have great acoustics.”

Steve was going to Have Words with Sam later for that. Right now he was too busy looking for zombies and trying to pretend like they were _not_ discussing his sex life over the mission coms.

“I was yelling at Steve, for that stunt with the machete that he pulled in Harlem,” Bucky answered, shooting a stray zombie that was wandering around slowly at the other end of the block.

“I thought you guys kissed and made up?” Tony chimed in, “Near death experience, and all that. Shouldn’t you still be in the honeymoon phase?”

“Honeymoon was over in 1938,” Bucky chuckled. “I’m moving over to the windows facing 9th avenue now, this one’s clear.”

“Yeah, plus Dr. Aponte told us that yelling was healthy in a relationship,” Steve added, to back up Bucky’s lie that the yells last night were not sex related. Hopefully the team bought it.

“Is that your ex-couples’ counselor?” Sam asked, and Steve saw him fly over a building overhead, heading East.

“Yup.”

“Didn’t she try to eat you?” Natasha asked, voice unimpressed. She sounded like she was on the move too, and Steve sprang into action, following the plan and heading to the next block he was supposed to clear. At this rate they might just be out of Jersey by nightfall.

Steve couldn’t help but snicker happily, thinking about all the nights ahead as he answered, “Just because she tried to eat us doesn’t mean she was wrong.”

**Author's Note:**

> PHEW! First Stucky fest done! Note to self: procrastinating when writing for fests is inadvisable. Procrastinating when your due date is 3 days before Halloween and your 4-year-old wants to participate in ALL THE ACTIVITIES is deathly.
> 
> The mods for this fic were amazing and patient and emailed me politely when I would have been rude to me. Eternal thanks, please don't hate me.
> 
> Original prompt: Steve and Bucky go out for trick-or-treating on Halloween and they see a lot of adults dressed up, including quite a few zombie!avengers cosplayers. Except --- it turns out they’re really the Avengers, and they are really zombies too! (can be taken as a Married with Zombies!au or a Zombieland!au, but not necessarily)


End file.
